![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
scrubjayspeaksI took Monday off work--originally to allow for any grief-related needs, but ultimately to physically recover from last week’s bonanza of nonsense. Even so, this week was a real struggle. The worse things get, the more I feel the compulsion to be on social media to stay abreast of just how illegal my existence is. But the more I’m on social media, the worse I feel regardless of actual practical changes. So then I feel more paranoid and want to stay on social media like I’m keeping lookout from the battlements. &c &c unto the grave.
I feel like I need to be writing “if I disappear” posts, and I don’t know how realistic that impulse is. Those are conversations I am having with my mum. We’ve already got things set up pretty well--relative to normal life and death events--for either of us to get access to everything that belongs to the other. I don’t know if that would hold up to governmental unpersoning of me, of course.
It is perhaps very on-brand of me to be more worried about how my family would be taken care of if I got sent to the camps than I am about my own fate. ¯\(°_o)/¯
I am aware that I am experiencing existential dread right now. I also seem to be dissociating pretty hard, though, so everything feels like it’s happening on the other side of a pane of glass. I’m reading a lot--not just enthusiastically but frantically, which tends to happen when I’m dissociating for long periods.
We had a couple days of half-assed attempts at rain. Now its heating up again. September might be my least favorite month, were it not for Autumn Equinox and the apple season getting underway.
Lewisia: 3 new pieces written
Day job: 34 hours, with Monday off
Cleaning: moved a couple of the horses’ tire feeders around and made plans for repairing the damaged one
Gardening: garden club post, succulent club meeting
Reading: Don’t Let the Forest In by CG Drews (allowed my Libby app to recommend queer horror, received a fucked up little thing that was somehow exactly what I wanted to listen to just then), A House with Good Bones by T. Kingfisher (very unsettling, thank you, though I find the persistent skepticism of the narrator tips over into frustrating for me at times), Lost in the Moment and Found by Seanan McGuire (another Wayward Children book, another time volunteering to have my heart ripped out)
Watching: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Listening: Harvest Season - Second Cutting by Alexander James Adams (man, I love folk music, I’ve been saving this one to listen to closer to the equinox)
Clock Mouse: 1503 words
![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
